The courage to live my true life
I happen to find T.A. Barron, a well-known and accomplished Fantasy writer, his video was on one of the Nautilus Book Awards updates I received, (Dragonhorse is entered). I watched the video about Merlin’s 7 words to live by; one of the words was courage. Such a simple word yet very, difficult to live by.
Before I took my first step on the path of self-discovery, I was still stuck in the “box”. Living my life, unhappily by someone else’s teachings. Then one day my world and beliefs were shattered. We had a very traumatic event that had happened to my oldest daughter. Feeling lost and unsure we immediately went to the pastor of our church. He politely shoved a brochure in our hands and told us he promised his wife he would be home at least 3 nights a week and had no time for us. I was devastated. Due to the nature of my daughter’s event, the rest of the church began to shun us. So, I walked away from my church and religion and never looked back.
Today I can say I am so thankful for the actions of my pastor and church, for I would not be where I am today. That was the beginning of my journey of self-discovery to who I am and to the true “Source” which we are all connected.
After leaving the church I was ready to grow and expand as a person and one day walked into a small candle, herb shop, which I would have never ever done before, while still living in the box. The shop had a warm and welcoming feeling and I picked up every candle and every herb jar she had. There was a small table near her register that held many brochures. One of the brochures advertised Reiki. I had no idea what it was but felt drawn to pick it up. I took it home and read it over and over. This was something I was very interested in learning about. I wanted to register for the first class but instilled in the back of my head was, “you will go to hell if you take this class”. My dogma ridden teachings said so, but my heart said differently. So I fought what had been pounded into me for half of my life, and each day I gathered more and more courage to pick up the phone and make that call. And one morning I finally I did, and let me tell you, my heart raced, “Was I wrong, will I go to hell?”
The night before my first Reiki class I had another of my usual nightmares, (most entailed demons and murderers, the usual dreams dreamt by those worried about not doing “Gods Work”). In my very vivid nightmare came the Reaper; in his hollow boned fully cloaked form. I stood frozen as he wrapped his bony arms around me. But this dream was different; I actually found the courage and fought this demon of the church. And to this day I can still feel its, clammy-boned finger between my teeth! I fought and won and he slunk away to the Christian made hell he came from and I never ever saw him or had another devil/demon dream or nightmare again! (Those of you who have read Dragonhorse might recognize this scene)
All those years in church had me so scared of doing wrong and always being watched, so I had manifested in my mind the product of that fear with my nightly romp with their conjurations of hell.
One thing led to another and I became a Reiki Master Teacher, an herbal and crystal healer, animal communicator, learning who I truly am. This new-found, self-realization would not leave me no matter how hard I ignored it, and today I embrace the role of who I am. It took great courage and determination, for it was not an easy path. Today I am almost whole; we are never truly 100% whole while living here on this planet, the great stage of our play, and the biggest fantasy of all.
So now I utilize the gift I have, no longer fearing hell. I have learned that hell is only for those who truly believe in it which I do not. I believe in love, peace, beauty, and harmony; that is what I gather around myself, filling my world with. I know write about what I believe, and find it very refreshing; such a great change from who I once was. And so I share what I have found to be true for me and true for many people in this world who have found the courage of self-discovery.